Manhattan Beach, California
June 1971
Dear Mike:
Enclosed is the item I mentioned (with which goes a torn up IOU). I could stop here but I won’t.
You’ve heard all the jokes that have been rousted around by all the “unhappy marrieds” and cynics. Now, in case no one has suggested it, there is another viewpoint. You have entered into the most meaningful relationship there is in all human life. It can be whatever you decide to make it.
Some men feel their masculinity can only be proven if they play out in their own life all the locker-room stories, smugly confident that what a wife doesn’t know won’t hurt her. The truth is, somehow, way down inside, without her ever finding lipstick on the collar or catching a man in the flimsy excuse of where he was till three A.M., a wife does know, and with that knowing, some of the magic of this relationship disappears. There are more men griping about marriage who kicked the whole thing away themselves than there can ever be wives deserving of blame. There is an old law of physics that you can only get out of a thing as much as you put in it. The man who puts into the marriage only half of what he owns will get that out. Sure, there will be moments when you will see someone or think back to an earlier time and you will be challenged to see if you can still make the grade, but let me tell you how really great is the challenge of proving your masculinity and charm with one woman for the rest of your life. Any man can find a twerp here and there who will go along with cheating, and it doesn’t take all that much manhood. It does take quite a man to remain attractive and to be loved by a woman who has heard him snore, seen him unshaven, tended him while he was sick and washed his dirty underwear. Do that and keep her still feeling a warm glow and you will know some very beautiful music. If you truly love a girl, you shouldn’t ever want her to feel, when she sees you greet a secretary or a girl you both know, that humiliation of wondering if she was someone who caused you to be late coming home, nor should you want any other woman to be able to meet your wife and know she was smiling behind her eyes as she looked at her, the woman you love, remembering this was the woman you rejected even momentarily for her favors.
Mike, you know better than many what an unhappy home is and what it can do to others. Now you have a chance to make it come out the way it should. There is no greater happiness for a man than approaching a door at the end of a day knowing someone on the other side of that door is waiting for the sound of his footsteps.
Love,
Dad
P.S. You’ll never get in trouble if you say “I love you” at least once a day.
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In remembrance of several-certain chums who used to share straw, pillow, space and brain.
“But you didn’t have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don’t even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn’t have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don’t need that though
Now you’re just somebody that I used to know..”
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Hail The Basement Whatsapp Unravel
Jan 19, 2012 … ermm I guess this was before my reception… couple of days after the solemnization.. i think. Still cant fix the date into this damn head. Mallaca falls into Alburquerque on 1511, and I wed on 2012. The memory should be fair enough :p.
This was written by a confidant in HTB cum my partner-in-crime. I miss our good ol’ days. Our silly thoughts and ideologies - like our intent devotion to That 70’s Show and the characters or overratedly looking-up for some rebel heroes like Patrick Verona and Kat Stratford! [Girls and ladies can be heroes as well]. Or the dream of having our own all-girl-garage band which is very unlikely as none of us really play any music instrument. And loads and loads of other stuff which I spare from disclosure as it might rather be embarassing, at this age I mean. Back then, however smart you think you are, you are still a silly head and nobody would make a fuss about it. But not at this age, approaching 3 decades of life.. they’ll call you retard, which not a very nice word. Anyway, the word by word put below was decorously nice yet pure.. for me. Was I really that person? Wow. I couldnt remember myself. Collecting. Thanks for the memories mate!
“erm pagi pagi tadi aku dgr hand in my pocket terus teringat anis muda remaja. saja ja nak remind aku anis dah kawen dah, dah tak alanis morisette dah. haha. dulu dulu aku tak risau sgt la sekolah msk dato’ onn ja (instead of sggs ka) sbb aku rasa org yg best best ni sekolah mana mana pun ada. tgk tgk jumpa anis, aku rasa dia best dia dulu ketua pengawas, aku dulu pen. ketua pengawas jadi rasa related la sikit. sejak itu ada ja ketua ketua pengawas sekolah lain yg jadi kawan baik aku (kat matric, kdu, limkokwing) aku rasa sbb anis bagi impression ketua pengawas tu cool. hahaha. tak pun hepothesis kedua, kita sering ditemukan dgn org yg mcm kita juga. yg jawatannya di sekolah mcm kita ka, yg tahap score A dia mcm kita ka, yg family background dia mcm kita ka. dan bila jumpa org yg tak mcm kita, aku rasa telah ada satu adventure..”
TBC…
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The Quiet is Me, Listening
Most hearts say, I want, I want,
I want, I want. My heart
is more duplicitous,
though no twin as I once thought.
It says, I want, I don’t want, I
want, and then a pause.
It forces me to listen.-Margaret Atwood
